I’m sure you’ve heard this famous quotation many times in your life. It can be applied to almost any situation and has a real honesty about it. “The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence”. Today, I’m talking about this from a relationship perspective. You know; when you have someone you thought was fabulous, things begin to die down and you think of the other guy or girl that you could be with. Well I’m here to explain to you why that isn’t such a good idea and my perspective on how life works in terms of male and female relationships.

I think the whole friendship routine between a guy and a girl is slightly unnatural and flawed. I mean this is probably hypocritical coming from me as I have a few female friends and I think their company is brilliant. But I mean, why do guys and girls become friends? We tend to favour people from the same sex as we have more in common, similar interests and a comparable way of thinking. With the opposite sex, I have my own theory on how and why it happens and I’m going to explain it now. When looking for a spouse; we have a psychological check list that needs to be satisfied before we consider a subject the one”. This check list is a number of necessities that we as humans require and if the person you just met covers around 70% – 100% of that list, you move in for the kill! Humans have an animal like instinct and often we don’t realise it because it’s psychological. When you meet a person, regardless of whether you have a spouse or not, if this new person covers 40% – 69% of your check list (yes that same check list you use for your spouse) they become friendship material. Gosh, it sounds a bit complicated and scientific doesn’t it? Let me be a bit more literal, I think your friends of the opposite sex have a good selection of qualities you think would be amazing in a spouse, but they don’t have enough, they’re just short and that is why you’re “just friends”.

Example, lets say you’re a single guy called Bob (I know, I’m so imaginative), you’re not really looking for a girlfriend but you meet Jane who is pretty darn amazing. She’s funny, cute, kind, intelligent, into fast cars like yourself, loves to party, all the good stuff. You think she’s incredible, so you ask her out and to your delight she says yes! A week before this, Bob met a girl who was chirpy, quiet and into fast cars, he did not ask her out but he got on well enough to be friends with her. Rewind further a week before that, Bob met a cheerleader (which he hates), who was pretty cute, and quite a nice person….Bob doesn’t even bother keeping in touch with her. This is what life is in real. More often than not, your closest friends of the opposite sex have around half of the things you want in a partner. Think of your friends, think why they are your friend and what it is that keeps your friendship going. I could prove this further by saying there are some friends who you rely on for certain things that not even your spouse can cover. This is because that 1% – 30% that they don’t cover, someone else in your life will. Ever been darn interested in a particular topic and your better half has little or no care in the world for it? Frustrating right? Why not talk to someone else about it? No problem, but whatever happens, do not speak to a friend from the opposite sex about it.

Let me explain. When you have just had an argument with your better half, the topics you argue about are often in regard to the boxes on your check list they do not tick. Example, Bob want’s to have a night in when Jane wants to hit a club and party the night away. The pair bicker, Bob complains that Jane shouldn’t ask this of him when he’s not into it and does not want to go. Jane complains that it is who she is and she loves doing it. They have a row, Jane storms out and Bob goes to sleep haha! This is where it gets interesting. Jane goes and meets her friend Jason….he is a DJ at a nightclub, she’s known him since school and he has a bit of a crush on her. They party the night away, he comforts her because she’s upset, and what is happening is that the one thing Jane is missing in her life, Jason is covering. He talks to her, dances with her, parties with her and suddenly Jane wishes Bob was more like him. Jane has a one night stand with Jason and now her relationship with Bob is damaged beyond repair.

You might think, good for Jane and Jason, Bob was a boring loser anyway. But, and this is where the quote makes sense, Jason has nothing else which interests Jane. She doesn’t see this while she is upset and wanting to party, but when she dumps Bob and goes to Jason, she understands the scale of the mistake she has made. You cannot give up something fantastic in your life, for one incredible night of fun, so many people do it and most end up regretting it. When you have relationship troubles, the best thing to do is take a deep breath, step back and maybe call someone who you think can calm you down and talk to you, preferably of the same sex! This gives you a chance to reflect on what you have and realise how special it is. Don’t jump over the fence and fill the small irrelevant gap that you think needs to be filled. The fact is, if you find someone in today’s day and age who gives you 70% of what you want in a spouse, you have in fact hit the jackpot. For those of my readers who have hit the jackpot, I congratulate you. Be good, don’t do anything stupid and cherish what you have. This is the Arainmunda, signing out.

Advertisements